ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
