tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
