I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize