shes about as inviting as chlamydia
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
