i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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