the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize