My friends, they love my intelligence
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't think brook has ever known best
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
