I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
