yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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