This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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