I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
