Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
