Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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