im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
