Me. At least after what I've been through.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
