On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I did not marry a roomba.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
