Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
