No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
