Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Randomize
