He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
