well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
