I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just forgot I was standing up.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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