I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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