So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
