Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
