I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
