He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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