miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize