i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
