No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
