you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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