i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize