the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
