She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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