i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
