and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Your dad touched me again.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
