I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
