i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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