So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
