I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
