It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
