wanna go halves on a baby?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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