Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
