It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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