Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
