I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize