smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Jerry, you need to find god
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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