i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
