Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Do vagina's smell?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
