She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I lost the right to judge tonight
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
