I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
