i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
