i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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