i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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