He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Text me some of your sweat
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