the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
