Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
