sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
