we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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