I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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