This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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