Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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