I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
