The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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