Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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