I will die if light touches me.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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