you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
