We're facebook friends in real life
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
My ass is underappreciated
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
