I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
