peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
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