I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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