just tell him i said nine months
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
