girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
