wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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