before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
