She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
